Fun Time is Over

Sometimes I feel like I read too much useless shit. After all, who the heck gives a damn by the fact that there's this little Asian girl sitting by herself, on the carpeted ground, buried in a science magazine?

But once there was this old Caucasian man who saw me reading there next to the Borders magazine stall, smiled, remarked something positively, gave me $20 and continued his journey.

According to my mum, he saw potential in me.

But what use is this so-called potential when it doesn't show anywhere? It doesn't show up in my marks. No one knows who that little Asian girl is. Nor would they care. She's just a stranger.

I don't really go to Borders now. I go on my computer to read up nerdy stuff. No chance of anyone giving me $20 there.

I'm also no longer 12. No more child prodigy status forever. No longer as special as she was back then.

I remember when I was in China, I used to sing for the old people, and they would all be happy.

Now I just sing to myself. Ah, how life was so much simpler back then... I didn't have to care about anything.

I have the option of working at a family friend's music tuition centre after my hsc, teaching kids piano. But that means I should show some sort of dedication by doing Amus or something, and that's hell.

I don't know. It's like I'm the jack of all trades but master of none. They say that it takes 1000 hours to be good at something, and honestly, I don't know if I'm up for it. I already have a list of things to do after the hsc;

MUST learn to:
-drive
-cook
Should really learn to:
-read and write Chinese
Need to:
-concentrate on uni studies
-work for money (prolly gonna have to be pov sometime)
-have a decent social life
-maintain a certain level of fitness
Really want to:
-learn karate
-get good enough grades in uni to get honours

How am I supposed to fit hardcore piano into this?

I've decided that I'm most into Civil Engineering (Structural). But my mum always pressures me to put Optometry first. So much for "do whatever you want". (translated) "Well you would put Ruse before Ryde Secondary, right?". When she says that, I feel like punching her in the face. For God's sake, Mum... shut up.

But what can I do. What can Jess do...

Please, just give me Civil Engineering at UNSW, if not, then Usyd... or UTS... if not, then fml....