Positivity.

But first, check this DAMN INTERESTING article out. Yep this is the kind of stuff I like to read in my spare time (if any).

http://www.damninteresting.com/the-total-perspective-vortex

Once I read this article I felt that something in my head kinda... clicked... got triggered if you must.

Some of you may know that I've been depressed at one stage. Some of you may not. Regardless of that, I will discuss it anyway. It kinda got buried in my history somewhere, and now I'll pull it out, hold it up and observe it like a piece of old memorabilia.

I can't really define exactly when I was depressed and when I was not. But roughly, it started early year 8 and continued until maybe late year 9 (a bit before Camp Berry). All I remember is that I was pissed off, crying frequently and feeling lost, pained and shit. I wrote numerous poems which were emo yet honest, some which were crying for help, hopeless, lamenting and depressing. And I told no one because I didn't want people to know, because it would make them sad. You know how people generally don't like hearing negative things. And I was trying to be nice to people. But people weren't nice to me. Well, that's still the case with nowadays, lol. But that's not my point. I felt insignificant, even invisible, you know, my last depressing poem referred to ghosts, vampires and other things like that... Inhuman.

But one day, I thought something like "Why the **** are you doing this to yourself? WHY THE **** ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF??" and then I thought "I don't know" and felt very stupid. Then I tried to think "realistically". Yes, "realistically". I thought "hey... what I was thinking wasn't even real. It's just a matter of perspective. I need to change my perspective" I still think that way today. Most of the time.

When I look back at my 13 year old self, I laugh. Sorry 13 year old Jess, but I would laugh and tell you, that... if your life sucks then what about mine??? :D And I don't whine as much as you do!

Lol Jess. Yes people, I talk to myself. I have to keep talking to myself (whether or not it's out loud) to sort myself out.

I've kinda stopped whining so much ever since I have kept reminding myself "there are other people whose lives are shittier than yours so just be happy with yours". All you depressed people out there should try to think the same.

I've got Asian parents so I get to eat nice Asian food. (if I were caucasian then I would eat boiled vegetables nearly every dinner, eh? I don't really like flavourless/salt-flavoured food)

I've got good education because I have Asian parents (got tutoring) and I'm in Sydney (my school is relatively good)

I live in Australia where good education and good good/services can be found (I haven't been poisoned by contaminated milk yet)

I live in a house, not an apartment

I live in Sydney where there's transport so I don't have to walk everywhere like I would have to if I lived in Africa

My house does not consist of one room like the ones some of my relatives in Hong Kong live in

I have friends

I'm not hated on by a majority of fellow students

I can play piano

I have a good computer which I can do many things on

I can speak English in an English speaking country

I am an Australian Citizen already so I don't have to worry about waiting 40 years to get into Australia nor do I have to worry about being a refugee

Australia doesn't suffer major earthquakes or volcanic eruptions

There's electricity and hot, clean and soft water

I can play cello although I don't really enjoy playing it (it's a skill)

I have food in my fridge

I have some nice clothes which aren't tattered nor unclean

I have relatively free speech

I'm not disabled in any way

My hair aren't in dreadlocks nor am I disfigured in any way... I got shampoo and haven't been physically tortured yet...

There are cute bunnies I can see every time I go to school (they're in a pet shop of course)

So I shouldn't complain so much.

BUT. butbutbut. I mustn't be over-confident. Neither should you. Especially all you "try-harded positive" (POSITIVE ABOUT EVERYTHING) people. I've learnt to be positive but I also bear in mind that living in the world requires hard work. It's not just the HSC. It's life in general. To "improve" yourself, you must know WHAT you have to improve. You can't just think "oh I'm good enough" and just stay like that (especially in the case of dole bludgers). Cos if you do that, then you're not going to get anywhere much. You've got to criticise yourself. But not too much otherwise it will make you sad. So don't tell yourself incessantly that you suck. Emos.

Well I gotta admit that I suck at some things too, you know. I didn't do too well in Yr 11 English. THAT'S WHY I'M GOING TO TRY HARDER.

"Ew what a nerd"

Yeah... you got a problem huh? YOU GOT A PROBLEM???? WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE, HUH????? Oh wait, we're already outside... nvm

"Get a life"

Can't you see that I'm alive? Why don't YOU get a life? Wait... yeah actually you have a life. Of smoking dope (you'll prolly get lung cancer one day and maybe die of a heart attack or get busted for smoking weed) and flipping burgers at Hungry Jacks (although I do like the burgers there, but that's besides the point). You call THAT a life??? Sucks to be you. 

Oh yeah btw I'm with the article there. Ignorance is bliss (in this sense) so I shall stick to it, like most people do. Just like most people in the Matrix. ^_~

What, The Matrix is a good if not EPIC movie! If you haven't watched it, you should.