No More Shit (Theoretically)

I apologise for my um, heightened sense of seriousness and hence failure to entertain you (you were probably thinking my posts were a waste of time to read) over the past I dunno... maybe two weeks?

Well you see, I have no choice. I have no choice but to be serious. I knew there would be a point in my high school life where I finally realise and accept that "real" life is important and by important I mean IMPORTANT. There is nothing else to think about. The panic sets in and you just want to just, get out of your bad habits.

I deactivated my Facebook account a few days ago. It's just become too much. When I go on Facebook, I end up spending heaps of time just checking up Mafia Wars, Restaurant City and Country Story, Master Chef if I'm really desperate. I read people's statuses and comment etc and it's hard to stop once you start doing it. It is irresistible. It's like something makes you say "ohh I wonder what (so-and-so) is up to..." and then before you know it, you're simultaneously playing five different games on Facebook... and it's 10pm?? "Aww what??" but you then say "OMG I WANT TO DO THAT QUIZ" so you do some. Then it's 12:00am. Congratulations, you just wasted one whole night!

You: Hello, how are you?
Friend: I'm good.
You: That's good.
Friend: You?
You: Tired lol
Friend: You're always tired! What time did you sleep?
You: Like, 12:45?
Friend: What time did you wake up?
You: 7.
Friend: Sheesh you should really get some sleep!
You: Yeah... lol

And that repair sleep never comes. Thanks to... Facebook. And other things of course, but the main thing for me was Facebook and msn.

Too many microsleeps. Wayyy too many. Particularly prevalent in eco. God, I wish I wouldn't have to do eco anymore. I'm dropping it next term anyway?? > . >

Oh well, gotta accept some things in life. All these things I love...

• Runescape - including low-alching my junk with ring everyday.
  
• Facebook incl. Mafia Wars, Restaurant City, Country Story, Master Chef etc.
  
• Msn - well not technically stop, but minimise msn usage (isn't it minimised enough already??? God I appear offline about 100% of the time now!!!)
  
• Social life... yeah it's gonna be limited a little. Of course I hope nobody takes this personally, I just sometimes feel the need to study or be alone cos I'm that desperate sometimes
• Music - minimise listening to music during hw to improve concentration
  

... have got to be stopped.

I quit.

But of course, I have to replace them with some other things.

Assignments. Hw. Revision. Piano. Reading. Not-too-much-blogging (omg).

Hmm, what will I do for fun? I don't know. Maybe I won't. Chances are, I prolly won't. Say hello to true HSC life. It's time for me to grow up. Now. I won't procrastinate from admitting this any further.

You know, I feel like I'm on a self-induced boot camp. My home has suddenly feel like a challenging place, a school camp. It's my own home yet, it doesn't feel like my home. My computer does not feel like a place to have fun, but a work station. My desk does not feel like a desk to write my rants on, but a workspace. Which needs cleaning up of course. It's a mess. But at least I returned most of my English books today, they were half a metre high. I'm not joking. You can practise weights with them. My piano feels like something to practise a skill, much like a spinning wheel is used to practise spinning wool. The eggs in the fridge feel like something to train my cooking skill on (lol?). But I do swear, I can fry eggs properly now. Wait, but so can everyone else... shit...

I feel like I'm a stranger to the world, like an alien from outer space on a mission on Earth. And my mission is one my mum gave me - to do my best in the HSC. I cannot let her down. I cannot let anyone down. I cannot let myself down. I must clear everything in my mind including the nostalgia resulting from leaving my world. My world is freedom. This isn't. Freedom on this world, is locked. I must unpick that lock. I'm still trying to find how.

I have so many things to learn and experience. But at least I'm moving on. Thankyou.... me. Yes, I can thank myself for something for once. Thankyou Jessica, thankyou.

This explains my seriousness. I am in a serious situation. I got nowhere to go so I have to stay there and deal with it. I fight it like a dog stuck in a corner. To the death.

But who knows if I want to visit my own world again, after the HSC.

I am a strong girl. Why do I cry? Why can't I just be like other people and take it on without tears?

DO YOUR CHEM ASSIGNMENT.

Nyah!!!!

Get this over and done with, it shouldn't be that hard...

kk

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